My Higher Power is John Stamos
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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