Yo dont text me then not text me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
