these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
