I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
