saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
