I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
