I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize