and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
