I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
