Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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