life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize