Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
