It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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