i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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