everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
