he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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