Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
