I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
