All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
