im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
