Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
