I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
