i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
