C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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