Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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