Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
