textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
