woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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