Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
