Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
