You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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