You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize