I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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