she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
