I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
