addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
