it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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