Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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