you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
