I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
