Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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