SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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