Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Buhtt sex?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
