Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
