maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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