turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
