we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
