I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
