if i can run in heels then i can drive
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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