Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize