I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
