thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
