some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize