Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
