Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
