I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize