He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
