i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
