I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
