I want to stick my p in your. b.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
