Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
