My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize