Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
