Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
