I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
