she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
