My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
