It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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