I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Alive.
So much puke
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Im part way to drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize