mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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