he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
