Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
