i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
